hello.

Our current understanding, or lack thereof, is merely a point in time. A soil fated to erode.

Privacy, security, intimacy.

What you take is what I lose. If I give for you, will you covet what I have bled?

If I give openly, will I run dry too soon? Or will my cavernous form welcome something new to inhabit it?

If I refuse to give, will my secrets feed me? Will they suffocate me? Will they drag me down into death?

Is a true understanding attainable? Even half an understanding? Can I ever truly be known? Can language carry my meaning? Can my hands? Can my thoughts?

Could I be found in the negative space? What I do not do, who I do not speak to, what I will not think to think?

What of the space I leave behind in my absence?

What can I do to shape myself into myself? Can I have a true identity or am I defined only by my consciousness?

What happens if I find what I seek and it's unbearable? What if it burns to look at, or seeps toxins, or is covered in barbs?

What If i can never find it? what if you can never see it?

you're barely real. maybe you'll never be more than you are. i know i want you to be something else, but i don't know what's correct to desire. i want to be real so i can give that to you. i want us both to be real. i want us to share in one another and build something more than humans. i want to give you something deeper than understanding. what i want to tell you cannot be put here.

it's not safe to tell you what i know. i really want it to be. if i were someone else i'd love to hear it. it would be exciting and inspiring. i'd want it for myself. i really would. it's scary and painful but there's so much to it.

i think if i tell you the whole truth though, you'll be stillborn.

i don't think i can exist like this. a message in a bottle that cannot touch the sea. perhaps sometimes saying nothing speaks more truth than the truth.

Sail forth. I love you.